WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In a new plan designed to combat vaccine hesitancy, President Biden said that he was considering an executive order banning all COVID vaccines.
The order would make it illegal to obtain a vaccine except in certain cases and, even then, only after a thorough background check and waiting period.
“We must eliminate the scourge of vaccination once and for all,” Biden said. “Enough is enough.”
News of an impending vaccine ban sent lines at previously deserted vaccination centers snaking around the block, according to reports.
Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene took to the floor of the House to excoriate the ban, calling it a “classic case of government overreach that shows the fingerprints of George Soros and the Rothschilds.”
“First, they came for my vaccines,” she warned.
More Satire from the Borowitz Report
- Donald Trump forgets to strand rally crowd in parking lot.
- Mitch McConnell warns that voting bill would bring U.S. to brink of democracy.
- Ted Cruz calls Obamacare a Democratic plot to keep people alive.
- Susan Collins regrets no longer being the most annoying senator.
- Trump to be reinstated as the president—of Trump University.
- Get the Borowitz Report in your in-box. Sign up for the newsletter.